i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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