If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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