No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize