i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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