I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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