Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
