Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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