I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So much Jack, so little girl.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
