Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
