You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
True strength comes from lack of pants
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
