I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
