I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
