i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
