he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
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Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
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Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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