lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
