Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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