You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
