i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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