Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
