Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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