waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
