I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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