It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
