I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
