You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
