I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
