I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
