He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
