covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
