I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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