i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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