I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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