Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
