this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
