i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
