Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
