Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
