i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
