Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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