We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
