imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
3 2 1 whiskey
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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