Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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