all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
