Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
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I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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