you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize