I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
