I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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