escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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