Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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