I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
