Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
