Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
