Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
no, he came in my armpit
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
