yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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