She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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